The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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