Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Randomize
