bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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