mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
thus making me awesome and them whores
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Randomize
