I skipped work to stalk him.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
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