i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
