One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
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