thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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