Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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