For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
