she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
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