Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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