I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize
