i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
