My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
