Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
