found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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