Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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