i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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