The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
