that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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