My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize