If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
