I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
