I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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