Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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