You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
