Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
