Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Randomize
