Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Less talking, more tequila
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
