Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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