I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
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