They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
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