You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
