i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
