We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
