i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
