the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
