Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
The best revenge is premature balding
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
