you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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