Ketchup is God's man juice
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
We're too hungover to prance.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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