i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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