things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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