You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
