i love accidental penises.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Randomize
