he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Randomize
