Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
