Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize