he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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