I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
