oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I'm at about main and main street
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
