Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
