Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
