hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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