So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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