thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
