Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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