i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
