he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize