This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
only you would photoshop your dick
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
