I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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