Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
