I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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