i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
