i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
