drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
