That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Randomize
