Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
accomplished twins. life is a go
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
