at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
