I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
