Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
false alarm. still invincible.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
