Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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