How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
