White coat. Heels.
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Randomize
