My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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