i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
