Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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