hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Randomize
