Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
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