There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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