I'm so fucking centered right now
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
