my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Randomize
