I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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