I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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