We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Randomize
