I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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