Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
