I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I didn't shave. On purpose
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
