Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
