Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I did not marry a roomba.
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