so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
