I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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