I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
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