im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
