What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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