Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize