Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
