I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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