It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Randomize
