they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
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