Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
That was before I lit my hair on fire
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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