I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
