She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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