I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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