I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize