Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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