I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Randomize
