if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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